It is hard to put into words what my life has been like since October 2nd. However, I will attempt to because there is a lesson in all of this, that I would like to share.
I call myself, “the young and the colonless.” If we’re going to get technical here, I should now call myself, “the young and the colon (rectum, anus, and part of my small intestine) less.” These additional losses came about as of October 2nd when I underwent my largest surgery to date. On that day I was given my permanent ostomy. This was something I did not ask, or plan for, but something I did not have the power to change. I knew from that day on there were going to be a lot of life lessons to learn from this.
Life since that day has really been a time full of peaks and valleys. On one hand, I have my life back. On the other hand, every time I look down, I see a bag attached to my stomach. It’s surreal to know that you can have half your insides removed, but feel better than you did before. The human body really is incredible.
Looking down to see a bag attached to my side, with my own waste being collected, is OBVIOUSLY not ideal. Especially being a 24 year old female trying to date, and wear cute crop tops. With that thought in mind, this is where life lesson #1 was learned. It hit me one day that while there are so many things in life out of our control (ex. our health), there are a multitude of circumstances that can be changed. These circumstances can range from not liking your job, to not liking where you are living, to not being happy with your body, to not enjoying your relationship, etc. These circumstances are directly in relationship to how we view/ act on them. If you don’t like your job, get a new one. If you do not like where you live, move. If you are not in love with your body, workout. It seems simple, yet I know a lot of people struggling with one, if not all, of these issues. I get it because that was be prior to my surgery on October 2nd. What I now know is that there is so much power in these circumstances that seem to dwell on us. In a way, one is almost lucky that you directly have the power to change them. Trust me when I tell you to take advantage of these circumstances. It may not always be easy to make the decision to put yourself in a better direction, but knowing you yourself have that power is the first step toward getting somewhere.
I did not learn this life lesson though until I was faced with something in my life I disliked, but could not change. Prior to having my ostomy, I was never faced with something that I was truly 100% not in control of. With that said, I never really knew I was in control of half of the things I directly interacted with in my own life until having my ostomy. Once being faced with something you can NOT do anything about, life becomes simpler. You start to make changes for yourself more indefinitely in pursuit of a direct, positive, outcome on your life.
To simplify this all, what I’m really saying is: there is SO much satisfaction in knowing we are in control of most of our own lives. There is also power in knowing that you have the choice to find the positives in those negative life situations out of your control, too. I will now NEVER settle with being unhappy about something I have the power to change. I do not think I will ever fully be happy living with an ostomy. Knowing I am stuck with it, however, allows me to choose to focus on the fact that my life was changed for the better; and for that reason, I am at peace with its permanence.
Since my surgery, and my two month recovery period, I have been able to dance nearly 4 days a week. If I only get 5 hours of sleep I can still function the next day. I can take my dog, Kris, for a 2 mile walk and still be able to climb a flight of stairs after. These may seem like simple things to all of you, but to me, they were all tasks I could not follow through with before October 2nd. I will now never take for granted a dance class that fits into my schedule. I will choose to not be grumpy even when tired, and I will run up the stairs after walking Kris.
You could say after October 2nd life really decided to kick me in the butt. It put life into a different perspective for me, and I hope that sharing this story does the same for you. All I can say is live for yourself, and live fearlessly. Push yourself to make changes you think will positively affect your life directly. There are too many people out there “stuck” with things they cannot change.
