I know I have posted before about how my journey with Ulcerative Colitis essentially “ended” with my last surgery that gave me permanent ostmy, but never have I talked about it from this perspective. When I thought about my most recent surgery I always thought about it as marking the end of a 7 year journey; the worst 7 years of my life. From age 16 to 23, my life was filled with endless doctors appointments, numerous needles to any part of my body, and occasional accidents which required a change of clothing (if you know what I mean..). I was ready for all that to be over, even if that meant sacrificing my external abdomen. This surgery was the end of me having a “normal” body. I could go on and on about things this surgery marked the end of..
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| My First week at BC |
Today, however, it dawned on me that it was just the beginning. October 4, 2019 was the day I got my life back. I was able to start school this past fall after a three year medical leave. I was able to take dance, yoga, and spin, classes again. I was able to learn to ski. Lastly, and arguably most importantly, I never EVER had to worry about crapping my pants in public again. Now I know talking about pooping is not really “sexy” (and trust me it is not), but to me that was my reality for 7 years. It is hard to admit this one, but at my Boston College orientation I had an accident in the middle of the night and my parents had to come bring me new pajamas!!! Two things to note here: 1) THANK GOD for my parents, and 2) that is the only time being a night owl has paid off in my college career.
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Jana and I Skiing |
All jokes aside, those 7 years from 16 to 22 were something I wish no one else will ever have to go through. Now, I could waste your time updating you all from what happened from my last post until now, but honestly I found myself to be widely pessimistic between then and now. Anger of having to live this way set in around month 6 when it became bathingsuit season… SO we will just start from now.
Not to go all spiritual, but lately I cannot help but feel like I am having a rebirth. Yes, my body is different and always will be, but I am healthier. I got to compete in my first pageant since my surgery and I WON. How cool is that? With the help of one of my “pageant sisters,” Jana, we were able to get me ready for this pageant thing in under a week. If I never had my surgery do you think I would’ve had the energy to do this?! ABSOLUTELY not!
So my point here is, bad things have good outcomes. I heard on a podcast I was listening to today that “life never happens to you, it happens for you,” and that really spoke to me. I was too angry before to see that I was given this life so I could advocate for others. I was given this life to make other girls crapping their pants at college orientation due to their chronic illness feel more normal. I was given this life so I would not have to throw out one more pair of soiled PJ’s…
