How I Got My Life Back

I know I have posted before about how my journey with Ulcerative Colitis essentially “ended” with my last surgery that gave me permanent ostmy, but never have I talked about it from this perspective.  When I thought about my most recent surgery I always thought about it as marking the end of a 7 year journey; the worst 7 years of my life. From age 16 to 23, my life was filled with endless doctors appointments, numerous needles to any part of my body, and occasional accidents which required a change of clothing (if you know what I mean..). I was ready for all that to be over, even if that meant sacrificing my external abdomen.  This surgery was the end of me having a “normal” body.  I could go on and on about things this surgery marked the end of..

My First week at BC

Today, however, it dawned on me that it was just the beginning. October 4, 2019 was the day I got my life back.  I was able to start school this past  fall after a three year medical leave.  I was able to take dance, yoga, and spin, classes again.  I was able to learn to ski.  Lastly, and arguably most importantly, I never EVER had to worry about crapping my pants in public again.  Now I know talking about pooping is not really “sexy” (and trust me it is not), but to me that was my reality for 7 years.  It is hard to admit this one, but at my Boston College orientation I had an accident in the middle of the night and my parents had to come bring me new pajamas!!!  Two things to note here: 1) THANK GOD for my parents, and 2) that is the only time being a night owl has paid off in my college career.  

Jana and I Skiing

All jokes aside, those 7 years from 16 to 22 were something I wish no one else will ever have to go through.  Now, I could waste your time updating you all from what happened from my last post until now, but honestly I found myself to be widely pessimistic between then and now.  Anger of having to live this way set in around month 6 when it became bathingsuit season… SO we will just start from now.

Not to go all spiritual, but lately I cannot help but feel like I am having a rebirth.  Yes, my body is different and always will be, but I am healthier.  I got to compete in my first pageant since my surgery and I WON. How cool is that? With the help of one of my “pageant sisters,” Jana, we were able to get me ready for this pageant thing in under a week.  If I never had my surgery do you think I would’ve had the energy to do this?! ABSOLUTELY not! 

So my point here is, bad things have good outcomes.  I heard on a podcast I was listening to today that “life never happens to you, it happens for you,” and that really spoke to me. I was too angry before to see that I was given this life so I could advocate for others.  I was given this life to make other girls crapping their pants at college orientation due to their chronic illness feel more normal.  I was given this life so I would not have to throw out one more pair of soiled PJ’s…